We've all been there - whether it's the Sainsbury's cashier or a kids party host, people will constantly make the assumption that you are Mum. In the next 3 seconds, your brain works at super speed trying to decide whether it's worth correcting and for us unmarried Stepmums in particular, what to correct to.I've probably … Continue reading StepMums Imposter Syndrome
Parental Alienation.. it's a term I see quite a lot in fathers rights and Step-Mum groups, although its certainly not just 'Bio-Mums' who are guilty of this. Parental alienation has many levels of 'severity' and is really just becoming recognised in the UK courts / child welfare systems. CAFCASS are now apparently trained in recognising … Continue reading Accidental Alienation
For the first few years of my relationship with my partner and Monster, I (intentionally and willingly) made almost everything about them, they were pretty much the only people on my priority list. If I had plans and then we ended up having Monster.. it was an easy decision, my plans were cancelled. This does … Continue reading Not just a StepMum
It's a difficult and loaded question - when you do you stop being Dads girlfriend (or Mums boyfriend) and start being a step parent? There are many definitions of "step mother", most of these are specifically related to marriage; many are very longstanding and therefore traditional in their perspective. A couple gets married, buy a … Continue reading When do you become a Step Mum?
When I first became an "unmarried step-mum" Monster didn't have a huge time impact on my life, my partners access was minimal and we had a lot of "free time" to be a couple in our own right. As you will know from my previous posts, this changed - in different ways both gradually and … Continue reading Always be prepared
Ah - the never-ended and never-answered question for a lot of people with Step-parent roles. How do you know when to stop "stepping-up" and step back instead? As I've mentioned in previous posts, the great thing about meeting Monster when he was so small is that I really am part of the furniture, there was … Continue reading Learning to step-back
Never make a promise you can't keep, a broken promise makes a lie. I'm a big believer in the words above, and the most important of my personal values is honesty. I can't stand lying, no matter how big or small or innocent it may appear - if you can't or won't admit something, you should never … Continue reading Broken Promises
Ask any stepmum about their most stressful time of year and I'm confident the vast majority will mention two things; Step kids birthdays..... and...... Christmas (I'll include thanksgiving here too for the USA based) As it's December and monsters birthday falls in March, of course I'm talking Christmas today. Christmas/ the whole festive season is … Continue reading Christmas Chaos
I love my stepson – it was once a choice to try but now it is as natural to me as I imagine his own fathers love for him is, and I certainly couldn’t decide to stop.