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Unmarried StepMum

Becoming a parent and falling in love

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Tag: Baking

The 5th Birthday Bake

April 6, 2018April 6, 20181 Comment

The brief - "Hulk in a Fast Car"...

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Had a minor freak out at Monsters teacher today... We’ve had really good access for about 3 years now, but when his teacher saw me and said “oh he isn’t here now” I was right back 3.5 years ago at the start of our Monsterless 6 months. A look of horror crossed my face as I exclaimed “he’s already been collected?! By who?!?!?” Instant panic coursed through my body - I could physically feel it rushing in the 2.5 seconds before she replied “oh no, he’s here just not in the classroom, let me go and get him”. Of course his current teacher doesn’t know our speckled history and nor does she need to... but she probably does now think I’m a ridiculous drama queen! 👸🤦🏻‍♀️ Funny how the things we think we left behind can come flooding back in the space of such an innocent sentence! #Unmarriedstepmum #stepmum #stepmom #stepson #panicmode #overreaction #lettinggo #custody #childcustody #fml

Every Christmas in a blended family (hell even a nuclear family) brings its own challenges and joys, sometimes the balance tips one way and sometimes the other. After a year of bad health and 2 days planned with HCMIL, I am not looking forward to Christmas this year, in fact I am dreading it. Usually I would be super excited by this point, but honestly my mantra has been “I just need to get through Christmas...” and that’s ok. I am excited to see Monsters face on our Christmas morning (Christmas Eve) and I’m looking forward to the post Christmas holidays. I don’t expect to have a great Christmas this year, I have set my boundaries and I will be sticking to them and I will do my best to enjoy all the little moments I can. If you’re having a similar year, please don’t feel guilty and try not to get wrapped up in the pressure for everything to be perfect - life isn’t perfect the other 364 days of the year either! As ever your health and wellbeing must come first and you must protect yourself before anything else. Happy holidays!!! ❤️❤️ #blendedfamily #mentalhealth #unmarriedstepmum #christmas #christmasplanning #stepson #family #oknottobeok

Honestly it’s not the most balanced piece and it leaves a lot unsaid... BUT there’s an article in @womanandhome about blended families at Christmas! Normalising the non-nuclear family in media is something I feel very strongly about and it makes me so happy to see thought being given to blended family dynamics in the holidays. #blendedfamily #nonnuclearfamily #stepmum #stepfamily #unmarriedstepmum #christmasiscoming #holidays

I had a really interesting chat this week which made me reflect on blended families and the trauma we can all be exposed to. I don’t use this word lightly but I do mean it - trauma and situations which can stay with a person for years and impact life, relationships, mental health and wellbeing. We often think about trauma and how it impacts children in the blended family dynamic - parental alienation, narcissism etc. Parents and the impact of a failed relationship, separation from their children etc etc. Being a step-parent can also bring traumatic events and emotional trauma - when things happen “to” our loved ones, they are happening to us too, when we are the one our families lean on and seek comfort from, that impacts us too. Or sometimes when we become heavily involved in custody cases, preparing papers and evidence, perhaps even as a named issue - that can be really tough to come back from. This is just a reminder that as a stepparent, your mental health and wellness is SO important - to you and to your family. You need to allow yourself to feel all your emotions, which are ALWAYS valid and then also allow yourself the time and space to recover - if that means finding somebody to talk to, taking a weekend away or just having a good soak in the bath, that is time well spent and should be right at the TOP of the priority list. #trauma #selfcare #blendedfamily #stepmum #stepmom #stepparent #wellbeing #mentalhealth #bekindtoyourself #worldkindnessday

How do you make sure you get enough down time? Between events, weddings, work, health issues, family time, house work and half term we’re both feeling a bit burned out. Our “downtime” has been filled with housework, trying to actually be sociable, seeing family and some more housework. Neither of us can relax when the house the messy and neither of us seem able to keep it in order when we’re busy or have monster for more than a few days. Any top tips on switching off and really recuperating? #stepmum #stepmumlife #stepmomlife #stepson #familylife #blendedfamily #downtime #burnout #recovery #rest #relaxation #ustime #unmarriedstepmum

Love this illustration by @thepsychologymum which is of course becoming a biological parent. MUCH of this (physical aspects aside) also applies for becoming a step parent. BUT when you’re becoming a stepmum or stepdad, you’re generally going through it alone. It is SO important to acknowledge and be aware of your mental health throughout. Not looking after yourself means you won’t be able to look after anyone else so take some time out, love yourself and recognise what a life changing, incredible journey you are bravely embarking on. #mentalhealth #becomingaparent #newparent #blendedfamily #stepparenting #stepmum #stepmom #stepdad #lookafteryourself

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This is my one-sided view of our journey to becoming a family. An honest opinion on the trials, tribulations and hopefully some of the joy.

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