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Unmarried StepMum

Becoming a parent and falling in love

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Category: Blended Family

StepMums Imposter Syndrome

July 5, 2019Leave a comment

We've all been there - whether it's the Sainsbury's cashier or a kids party host, people will constantly make the assumption that you are Mum. In the next 3 seconds, your brain works at super speed trying to decide whether it's worth correcting and for us unmarried Stepmums in particular, what to correct to.I've probably … Continue reading StepMums Imposter Syndrome

Accidental Alienation

June 11, 2018Leave a comment

Parental Alienation.. it's a term I see quite a lot in fathers rights and Step-Mum groups, although its certainly not just 'Bio-Mums' who are guilty of this. Parental alienation has many levels of 'severity' and is really just becoming recognised in the UK courts / child welfare systems. CAFCASS are now apparently trained in recognising … Continue reading Accidental Alienation

Not just a StepMum

May 27, 2018Leave a comment

For the first few years of my relationship with my partner and Monster, I (intentionally and willingly) made almost everything about them, they were pretty much the only people on my priority list. If I had plans and then we ended up having Monster.. it was an easy decision, my plans were cancelled. This does … Continue reading Not just a StepMum

Monsters 5th Birthday

April 7, 2018April 7, 20181 Comment

Monsters birthday has always been a weird day in our family, especially for my other half. Previous arrangements have been unsuccessful and I spent a day watching his heart break last year as he waited on a call which never came. This year, with more formal arrangements in place, we were SUPER excited that Monster … Continue reading Monsters 5th Birthday

When do you become a Step Mum?

March 27, 2018April 7, 20183 Comments

It's a difficult and loaded question - when you do you stop being Dads girlfriend (or Mums boyfriend) and start being a step parent? There are many definitions of "step mother", most of these are specifically related to marriage; many are very longstanding and therefore traditional in their perspective. A couple gets married, buy a … Continue reading When do you become a Step Mum?

Always be prepared

February 16, 2018April 7, 2018Leave a comment

When I first became an "unmarried step-mum" Monster didn't have a huge time impact on my life, my partners access was minimal and we had a lot of "free time" to be a couple in our own right. As you will know from my previous posts, this changed - in different ways both gradually and … Continue reading Always be prepared

The Man in the Middle

February 14, 2018February 16, 2018Leave a comment

As it's St. Valentines day - a celebration of love and affection, I decided to dedicate this post to all the men who make being a Step-Mother seem like a wonderful idea! More specifically to my man, who washes out all the negativity and makes our life amazing through the most trying of circumstances. I … Continue reading The Man in the Middle

Learning to step-back

February 3, 2018April 7, 20184 Comments

Ah - the never-ended and never-answered question for a lot of people with Step-parent roles. How do you know when to stop "stepping-up" and step back instead? As I've mentioned in previous posts, the great thing about meeting Monster when he was so small is that I really am part of the furniture, there was … Continue reading Learning to step-back

The first overnight

January 12, 2018January 12, 2018Leave a comment

A fellow step-mum recently prompted me to look back on our first overnight with monster, its very easy now to forget that we haven't always had overnight visits with him and take for granted that at that time.. it was a very big deal. When we first moved into our new house (3 years ago … Continue reading The first overnight

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Honestly it’s not the most balanced piece and it leaves a lot unsaid... BUT there’s an article in @womanandhome about blended families at Christmas! Normalising the non-nuclear family in media is something I feel very strongly about and it makes me so happy to see thought being given to blended family dynamics in the holidays. #blendedfamily #nonnuclearfamily #stepmum #stepfamily #unmarriedstepmum #christmasiscoming #holidays
I had a really interesting chat this week which made me reflect on blended families and the trauma we can all be exposed to. I don’t use this word lightly but I do mean it - trauma and situations which can stay with a person for years and impact life, relationships, mental health and wellbeing. We often think about trauma and how it impacts children in the blended family dynamic - parental alienation, narcissism etc. Parents and the impact of a failed relationship, separation from their children etc etc. Being a step-parent can also bring traumatic events and emotional trauma - when things happen “to” our loved ones, they are happening to us too, when we are the one our families lean on and seek comfort from, that impacts us too. Or sometimes when we become heavily involved in custody cases, preparing papers and evidence, perhaps even as a named issue - that can be really tough to come back from. This is just a reminder that as a stepparent, your mental health and wellness is SO important - to you and to your family. You need to allow yourself to feel all your emotions, which are ALWAYS valid and then also allow yourself the time and space to recover - if that means finding somebody to talk to, taking a weekend away or just having a good soak in the bath, that is time well spent and should be right at the TOP of the priority list. #trauma #selfcare #blendedfamily #stepmum #stepmom #stepparent #wellbeing #mentalhealth #bekindtoyourself #worldkindnessday
How do you make sure you get enough down time? Between events, weddings, work, health issues, family time, house work and half term we’re both feeling a bit burned out. Our “downtime” has been filled with housework, trying to actually be sociable, seeing family and some more housework. Neither of us can relax when the house the messy and neither of us seem able to keep it in order when we’re busy or have monster for more than a few days. Any top tips on switching off and really recuperating? #stepmum #stepmumlife #stepmomlife #stepson #familylife #blendedfamily #downtime #burnout #recovery #rest #relaxation #ustime #unmarriedstepmum
Love this illustration by @thepsychologymum which is of course becoming a biological parent. MUCH of this (physical aspects aside) also applies for becoming a step parent. BUT when you’re becoming a stepmum or stepdad, you’re generally going through it alone. It is SO important to acknowledge and be aware of your mental health throughout. Not looking after yourself means you won’t be able to look after anyone else so take some time out, love yourself and recognise what a life changing, incredible journey you are bravely embarking on. #mentalhealth #becomingaparent #newparent #blendedfamily #stepparenting #stepmum #stepmom #stepdad #lookafteryourself
With princess Beatrice announcing her engagement 💍 we have our first PRINCESS STEPMUM!! And Beatrice - if you ever need a chat, drop me a line 😉 #royalfamily #princessstepmother #fudisney #welcometotheclub #unmarriedstepmum #princessbeatrice #stepmom #stepmum #blendedfamily
I had a little reminder this morning... Everything I share is my own opinion based on my own experience and anecdotes from blended family groups. Of course, I believe my own opinion but I’m certainly not afraid to be challenged. In fact, I really enjoy it - it makes me take a moment to reflect and re-examine my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes people just read your words differently than you spoke (typed) them, sometimes there is a fundamental difference of opinion. I’m perfectly happy to try and explain myself or gain an insight into others views, I won’t necessarily change my opinion but I’m open to it! If, like me, you are mostly viewing content and talking to be people in similar circumstances it’s really easy to lose sight of the bigger picture every now and then - if you think I have PLEASE call me out on it 😊 #blendedfamily #perspective #opentodebate #stepmum #stepmom #stepson #family #unmarriedstepmum #challenge #opinions

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This is my one-sided view of our journey to becoming  a family. An honest opinion on the trials, tribulations and hopefully some of the joy.

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