I started this post over a year ago but just realised I never got round to finishing it… I suppose because there isn’t really an end but the story is still writing itself. This is some background to how we got where we are anyway!
My Monsterless Life
Up until 3.5 years ago I had a very simple life. I lived with my parents, had a good job, spent weekends and evenings shopping and seeing friends. My time and money were all my very own to spend as I pleased. I had a few relationships but mostly these were pretty casual and didn’t take up too much energy but did generally give me a LOT of stories and gossip!
And then… I found out one of the managers at work was recently single! He swiped right on tinder… chased me up for a response and I swiped right too.. one Christmas party later and I had found myself in the beginnings of a new relationship! It wasn’t something I got into lightly, I spent many nights thinking hard about whether I wanted to be involved with somebody who had a child (at time less than 1 years old) and who was in the midst of a divorce process. The logical answer was of course “No Way!” But my heart won that battle and I decided to take a leap of faith and see what happened.
Meeting the Monster
It didn’t take long for me to realise I was falling completely head over heels for one of the most generous, caring and easy to be around men I had the pleasure of spending time with. Things moved quickly, I met his parents and his son after about a month (an accident caused by sleeping in too late on New Years Day!) and we quickly fell into a routine of being together almost every night. I’m not sure I’ve ever been as scared of a baby as I was in the couple of hours waiting for my OH to bring the little monster home for the first time. It suddenly felt like a massive step in our relationship extremely early on. The monsters arrived and I made us breakfast while making all the “coo-ing” and “ahh” noises I could muster – trying to get my head around the fact that this was my boyfriends son – weird.
Then to top it off, as I was serving bacon butties (wearing my night out dress from the previous evening with some tights for modesty) who should arrive but his parents! I’m not sure which of us was more surprised to see the other but I stayed for a few hours and went home almost numb with shell-shock of meeting the offspring and the parents all at once.
In the early days access to his little boy (the little monster) was extremely limited. While this was a huge source of stress and difficulty, it actually gave a long period where we got to be together like any other “young, free” couple – we got to know each other independently of his past and developed a lifestyle together of eating out, days out shopping, evenings at the pub and Sundays in bed recovering.
It really was a whirlwind, and it was the first time (for me) that I had really merged my life with somebody else’s instead of living very independently and coming together for specific “couple time” as in past relationships. On average we had the little monster for around 5 hours a month, increasing to a day every other weekend after several months. My OHs parents would visit for the day every time we had him and to be honest would take over most of the “chores” related to the monster during this time.
For most of this period I didn’t think much about my OHs past or the impact on our future – I guess I was in a bit of a “bubble” and enjoying the moment too much to have any concerns or real worries.
Lots of things moved on.. his divorce was finalised and his access to his son increased dramatically!
After being together a year I moved out from my parents house and we started renting a house not too far away. Then we started having overnights with monster. Pretty quickly we said goodbye to lie ins, days out shopping and Saturday nights at the pub with the following day spent in bed together. Hello to every weekend with his parents, sleepless Saturday nights waiting for the next cry for “ddaaaaaddddyyy” and 6am wake up times.